Friday, 13 April 2012

Moving On (non-horsey)

Things have been very ...errmm, shall we say, challenging, for me recently.  Having moved into my mum's bungalow in October I  have found things very difficult to cope with.  Jasmine stayed at home with her dad and Alex (my son) which is 15-20 minutes drive away.  I spent the winter driving over there in the morning to do the horses with Jasmine, then going to work, back to do the horses again and then back to mum's after dropping Jasmine at home.  Every time I dropped Jas off it tore another piece off my heart.  I  hated to see her walking away from me every day and I know she hated it too.  She punished me good and proper though with the full on teenager attitude.    I see my son once a week if I'm lucky.  They can't pop round for a cup of tea or a quick chat - its too far, and apart from that they can't relax here because its "grandma's house".  We could never spend a companionable evening eating dinner off trays on our laps and watching rubbish tv, that's just Not Done in grandma's house.

I was living with my mum but I felt so alone.  Even now, six months later I sit here in this room surrounded with boxes containing a few of my things because there is nowhere to put them.  I feel like a lodger.  I can't relax and feel very uncomfortable.  Mum doesn't make things any easier by making me feel I have to be in by a certain time and even told me off one day when I came in at 2am the previous night (I'm 51 years old for God's sake!)  She doesn't understand the distress I feel for having left my children behind, even though I see Jasmine every day.  She considers that they are old enough now to have their own lives so I should let them get on with it!!! (and what else, mum? forget about them?  is that what you're suggesting?)

I have traded one intolerable situation for another and I have to think of something else.  Now ... I knew that the farmer where we keep our horses had an empty house where a farm worker used to live.  Its been empty for many months and I was aware that they did not intend to let it out again.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so I asked whether they would consider letting it to me.  After a week on tenterhooks, they came back to me and said yes.  Of course it is very run down and dirty with no central heating, but it is habitable.

I will therefore be spending my weekend with a couple of my good friends cleaning and scrubbing to make the place clean before moving in.  I can't wait.  I will of course have no money and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to manage but I can feel the pull of "freedom"

What else is there?  Oh yes, I will be able to see my horse from my bedroom window *sigh*


  1. It sounds like you're having a hard time, Jooles, but you seems to be coping very well despite everything!

    I live with my boyfriend and his parents and we can't wait to move out, as as much as we live here, it's not OUR home - but with me being off work, not eligible for any type of financial support, therefore no savings going towards a house, it seems a long way off before we can even start looking properly.

    You've taken a big leap in the right direction by the sounds of it! A gas heater run on gas bottles should keep you warm when it gets a bit chilly.

    I hope things start looking up soon :)

  2. Oh Jooles, no wonder you've been quiet lately :-(
    What a lousy situation, but at least you are finding a way out of it.
    And not only will you see your horse out of your bedroom window, but your kids will be able to pop around whenever they like.
    Best of luck with your move.


  3. Best wishes, Jooles. I think this is a step in the right direction in taking back control of your situation.

  4. Thank you all for your words of support. Where would I be without my friends, and that includes all of my cyber buddies. It is true what they say:- a problem shared is a problem halved. Just to know that you're all out there wishing me well is wonderful. Thank you! xxx

  5. Kim, I hope you are able to have a place of your own soon. I don't envy young people starting out these days. Everything is just so expensive, I don't know how anybody copes. I wish you all the luck in the world.